change is hard. its not a question of wanting it bad enough either. you resolve to try and be better, to take the first step down a better path. you take that first step, lifting your foot as heavy and even painful as it feels. but somehow, as soon as you place it on the ground, something nudges you to look back where you came. you do look back and suddenly that foot which took so much effort to move forward is back where it once was.

its like your trapped. its like whatever you do, the resistance to change is so unyielding. its not just a bad habit or an unattractive trait. its a curse. its stuck to you like how you can never outrun your shadow. 

but maybe thats what makes it so hard. what if instead of running away from it, you accept it? accept that its a part of who you are, and wont go away so easily. instead of trying to run “away,” run toward something else. perhaps, in focusing on a goal, a craft, or a passion, you fill yourself with happiness and success until eventually there is simply no more room for your curse.

so i will continue to run. i will run with all my heart not away from my curse, but towards my dreams. and i know that once i get there, you will be there too. you see, i never had the strength to lift my foot on my own. it was you, your strength, your courage, your beautiful mind, who gave me what i needed to change. your love dispells my curse.

you keep hurting me. thats 2 times today. that shit about feeling like an outsider? thats legit. and now youre making me feel that way too. what the fuck. i dont know if im overreacting. i prolly am. but this day…damn. this day hurt my love for you. i hope the wound doesnt leave a scar. favorite ko pa naman tayo. sayang.